speak once...listen twice

Spiritual resource to share: listening





Speak once, listen twice - I actually heard that at a community meeting recently. Sage advice. And powerful, too, if you can do it!

My husband has been meeting with a men's group for over 15 years. The group has actually been meeting for decades with men going in and out as they wish. There has been a core group of his friends that have been meeting now for over 10 years.

Once when all the families of this group were together, I came up to the group and joined their conversation. I had something to add and spoke. As I was speaking I had this funny sensation. It took me a while to figure out: They were all quietly listening intently. I realized that this group has so diligently crafted the skill of listening so well, that it was startling!

There are people who are excellent listeners. (I count Christian Science practitioners as some of the best listeners I know!) They take time for the person speaking. They give their full attention. They silently engage and in so doing, they create an accepting attitude so the speaker feels a freedom to let his or her thoughts flow.

There's a lot to be said for good listening. Browsing the internet proves this to be the case. Check out these quotes from the international group Listen.org:

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. — Ralph Nichols

Effective listeners remember that "words have no meaning - people have meaning." — Larry Barker

Sometimes the most revealing part of a message isn't found in the words themselves but in the subtle messages wrapped around those words. Failure to pick up on these "secret messages" may leave you blind to what is really being communicated. . . . — Dianne Booher

Our first responsibility as effective listeners is to understand ourselves as communicators. ... (listeners)should ...know themselves. — Carolyn Coakley

Every person in this life has something to teach me -- and as soon as I accept that, I open myself to truly listening. — Catherine Doucette

The first step to effective listening is to stop talking! — Ken Fracaro

And here is some more fun stuff about listening:

LISTENING STYLES

• People listen through one of four primary styles, including people oriented,
  time oriented, action oriented and content oriented.
• Females are more likely to be people-oriented and males are more likely to be action, content, or time oriented (Barker & Watson, 2000).
• 40 % of individuals choose to listen with two or more distinct styles
  (Weaver, Richendoller, & Kirtley, 1995).
• Those with a high people-orientation have a low apprehension for receiving
  information (Bodie & Villaume, 2003).

But do listening styles differ across cultural barriers? Yes, says an Oxford Study:

Do the listening styles preferred by young adults in Germany, Israel, and
the USA differ significantly?

In order to address this question, college students in all three countries completed versions of the Listening Styles Profile (LSP; Watson et al. 1995) presented in their native languages. Factor analysis revealed four predominant constructs underlying the LSP, which were designated as people, action, content, and time listening styles.

Comparisons between the three cultures revealed distinctively different patterns of listening style preferences, with Germans preferring the action style, Israelis
endorsing the content style, and Americans favoring both the people and time styles.

And now, if you are really ambitious, you can even give yourself a test!

So, if you have hung with me thus far, and are still hungry for more listening ideas, let's go to the underlying basis of listening: LOVE.

The still, small voice of Love is what we listen for, and out of that "deep listening, life happens." Regardless of culture, age, circumstance or time, the love, respect and dignity given to the person you are listening to communicates volumes. Click here to hear one woman's account of listening to divine Love.



To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.