With this second viewing and with the current news about The Book of Judas ( See NPR's article), I started gaining some new inspiration.
As some of you have heard or read about the Gospel according to Judas, Judas is seen as Jesus' close confidant and co-conspirator in fulfilling prophesy. Although more research and findings will be posted, I can see the reason in this new view of Judas. Because Jesus knew of his impending ordeal, it makes sense that he worked closely with all of his disciples and knew what had to be accomplished for the love of all mankind.
But what has stood out to me most that Jesus walked so closely with God. He talked with him every day. God was the true conspirator. God was Jesus' main conspirator in how to bring about salvation for all mankind.
In two scenes in the Passion movie, Jesus breaks down. Once, in the garden of Gethsemane, he asks that this cup (his upcoming crucifixion) be removed from him. He doesn't think he can go through with it. Again, it is his close communion with God that strengthens him to move forward.
On the cross, he breaks down again, overwhelmed, and cries out, "Why have you forsaken me?" But then, he immediately talks to God again, saying, "into your hands I commend my spirit" (Luke 23:46) . With that ultimate surrender, he followed through in order to show others how they too can love in the face of hate, forgive when it isn't being asked for and triumph in life over the threat of one's mission ending and the power of death.
It was his close association with God, his co-conspirator, that gave him the abilility to endure the cross and the shame because of the joy set before him - the understanding of the ultimate triumph of life. (See Hebrews 12:2.) It was his close association with God that enabled him to say: "I and my Father are one." and "I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me."(See John 10:30 and John 5:30.)
How this moved me. It helped me to understand how God is my collaborator, my co-conspirator. He is the one I can turn to to say "Father, what will we do today?" Or if I am inpsired to write, "What shall we write today?" or even calling God by a more intimate name of Abba - Jesus' nickname for God - and going to bed saying "Good night Abba" and being grateful.
God and I are in a conspiracy to do good, live justice, love mercy. My hand in His.
There have been times in my life that there have been so many demands on me, that I have lost hold of this fact. At one point, I was pregnant with my second child, working full time and was one of two people responsible for conducting our church's main Sunday service. On top of that I was involved in an intensive court case and my husband was traveling for his work much of the time.
During one church service that I was co-conducting, I felt a wave of nausea so overcome me that I had to sit down for part of the service. Almost immediately, I felt a literal embrace, almost like being in a warm bath. I felt the prayers of the church members. I felt loved and supported. Wordlessly, I knew God was right with me, sustaining me and buoying me up.
Later, I was able to stand and finish the service, confident and calm in the assurance that I could do God's work, be inspired without any harm to myself, my new baby and to those I loved. And this proved to be the case.
There have been other less dramatic times when I have felt the demands of the day to take over and I would mometarily feel personally responsible for the weight of my world and lose sight of walking each step with God. And contrastingly, I have also felt times where things were a little too quiet, with not enough to do, and so I had to make something happen.
Whether there was too much or too little to do, I was always rescued by coming back to understanding that I walk with God, with Love, and Love directs my day.
Even now, I am buoyed with the idea that God is my co-conspirator, as I move through my day exploring the good that is possible and the joy that is right at hand. I can whisper ideas to God and God in turns whispers back to me, "Today is big with blessings." Big or small, the events of the day turn to blessing with God at my side.
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