Purity - a fixed fact

Spiritual resource to share: permanence

“I felt like I was coming home,” Barbara says. “I felt like everything would be okay.”
This comment is from an article written by a woman who commented on her first thought when starting to read Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy in an effort to re-gain her peace and equilibrium after a rape incident. (See article here.)

Her triumph reminded me of an incredible friendship I had with a friend who was going through therapy due to incest. During our friendship, I learned more about the power and fixity of purity that has stayed with me ever since.

When I first heard of the situations my friend had endured, I was shocked and furious. She was getting help through the therapy and was a determined young woman. I so wanted to help her.

I remember researching what I could do legally to help her. I got acquainted with many of the local resources dealing with women, sexuality and abuse. I worked in the school system at the time and even produced a cable television program on this issue that included interviews with area social service agencies, call-ins and production staff. The issue exhausted me, angered me, while at the same time I wanted to be strong for my friend.

I knew that all of these human footsteps were important and helpful. But what I needed, and my friend needed, was something much more deeply spiritual.

We must have talked and walked around a nearby lakes dozens of times. I prayed throughout our friendship and on one of our walks, I started sharing some of the spiritual ideas that I was learning:

1. Our very being is spiritual - it is the spiritual elements in life that move us, give us our identity, cause us to grow.
2. Our very being is pure - undefiled, untouched. This is a fixed fact and is unalterable.
3. Nobody can touch our spiritual being - our spiritual identity. Just as no one can change the idea of the numeral nine, no one can change the idea or spiritual being that is you and me.
4. Our identity is not that of a victim, of a vulnerable person who lacks strength, intelligence, courage. These suggestions are shadows that fluctuate and flee in light of the purity that is ours.
5. Violence, perversion, coercion -- these are not our fault. It is not brought about by some perceived lack in ourselves. It is born of ignorance and dies of ignorance. It has no power, presence, influence or reason unless we give it to them.
6. The most loving thing we can do for one another is to not believe in the shadows, but affirm one another's light -- one's primitive purity.

I also relied heavily on some tried and proven foundation stones for my life.

• We are safe.
• We are loved.
• We are pure.
• The battle between good and evil is not ours, but God's.
• God is good and good is ALL-powerful, and we are His loved children, Her cherished offspring.

My friend and I exchanged many spiritual ideas for months. She remained strong and significant and healthy changes were made in her life.

Key to the healing was forgiveness - the ability to see the power of Love and the powerlessness of errant actions to take anything of substance away from what God has given us. Later, we both went on to graduate school and lost touch. But what remained is that unshakeable truth that I can now come home to -

• Our purity is a fixed fact.

angel with moose wings

Spiritual resource to share: self-forgiveness and expectation of good

Two evenings ago, I took my dog, Mocha, out to a remote area where we could hike a wide expanse of lake. The ice on the lake had been frozen over for months and gave us an open vista to run and jump through drifts while watching the sun set.

I parked the car easily and Mocha and I were soon out of the car and onto our hike. But when returning, I realized there was an ever so slight slope to my parking space. But that was enough to keep me from backing up onto the icy dirt road and head on home. After thirty minutes of trying to get out, I was stuck.

I realized I didn't have my cellphone.

I realized that we had earlier emptied the car out of all emergency equipment

I realized that it was getting dark and this was pretty remote.

Oops.

I realized I needed to pray.

My first thought was to berate myself for not having checked before I left to see that I had what I needed in case of an emergency. I drive in remote areas so often and it is almost second nature to have with me these emergency things. I needed to forgive myself - immediately. I didn't have time to dwell in self-condemnation and fearful speculation. It was getting dark fast.

Mocha and I walked out a half mile to a paved road. Far down the road, I could see headlights of a car. I waved earnestly with both arms. It went right past me.

Sure, I thought, who is going to want to pick up a stranger with a Rottweiler at night? Right on the wings of that thought came another. I had a choice. I turned down the ideas that I could be abandoned or that we would have a long, cold lonely 10 mile walk home.

I started listening to angels - "God's thoughts passing to man" - that assured me that God is right with me. God cares for each of His children. This is a law of Love operating right now on our behalf -- and on behalf of any of God's children that happen to pass by this way!

Another set of headlights. Another car passed by, but then stopped, went into reverse and stopped again in front of me.

As the driver of this 4x4 pick up truck with a trailer hitch rolled down his window, I explained my situation and asked if he had a phone I could use. He volunteered to take me to my car and help pull me out. Mocha and I jumped in the back of the pick up and into a wide all-embracing set of wing-like antlers of a moose. We negotiated space with the antlers and then took off to find our car.

What was lovely about this experience was the man - he was kind, understanding and concerned for my safety. After he easily pulled my car out onto the dirt road, he followed me to be sure that I could get to the paved road with no problem. The fullness of God's care for each of His children was shown through this man's unselfishness and kindness. This was God's angel message in a fully equipped pick-up truck.

After many heartfelt thanks, we parted on the paved road and Mocha and I were safely on our way home.

To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.

the mistake about mistakes

Spiritual resource to share: corrections

I was thinking about mistakes today and realized that there are a few mistakes about mistakes that need clearing up.

1. The first misconception to reverse is that mistakes define us.

Have you ever thought that something you did caused enough harm to define you for life? An article was written by an individual who was freed from the idea that her life was forever marred by the past mistakes made when she realized that God created her life -- it was ever new. Mistakes don't define us. God does. God is the one who maintains and sustains us. Our "willingness to become as a little child" and to honor God's constant creation helps us really get what is new! Our decision to live aright can begin now and this claim of our God given authority over sin, disease and death defines us.

2. The second misconception is that mistakes confine us.

Have you ever felt that some mistake that you or another has made severeely limited your experience? A couple years ago, I made a major mistake with my son’s airline ticket and it looked as if his longed for trip overseas would have to be cancelled. But when I was able to see that all things are possible to God and to forgive myself for making such an error, I was able to move on and listen for ideas that helped restore the trip. And in three days, he was able to go on that trip overseas.

God governs our lives. God is the source of all activity, harmony and bliss! The only activity that comes from a mistake is the adjustment or correction that is needed.A mistake is by definition an absence of something good. Let’s shorten that. A mistake is an absence – a nothingness. So there is really nothing that can confine us.

3. The last misconception to tackle is that mistakes refine us.

Sometimes there is a notion that God sends us obstacles to strengthen us. This seems incongruous with a loving God. It isn't the mistake or the obstacle that causes us to grow. It is the yearning for more of our freedom that causes us to grow.

The only activity required of a mistake is its correction! If we are trying to find a cause for some mistake we will either tire of this line of reasoning, or realize that the correct answer (or correct view of man) is the only answer and the only way out of the most perplexing questions. Our patience, persistence and grace refine us.


Mistakes can be corrected. Forgiveness helps to wipe away whatever influence we have given to these mistakes and clears our path to see God working on our behalf to restore justice, well-being and health.


To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.

the power of apology

Spiritual resource to share: forgiveness

Nelson Mandela, Sir Ronald Wilson and Corrie Ten Boom

Click on picture for more information

As this community's commitment to heal racism deepens, our last Ministerial meeting involved an in-depth look at the power of an apology. There are volumes written on apology and forgiveness. But this discussion took on new meaning for me as I saw how profound our prayer, inspiration and actions could be for this community.

We looked at the line of actions that dismantled apartheid in South Africa, the public apology of the Australian government to the Aborigines, the apologies of several religious leaders and noticed they all had similar elements: there was an acknowledgement of the hurt, a promise of change and then the actual making of the change.

Acknowledging the hurt actually does more than just agrees on the wrongness of whatever actions were taken. There also is an affirmation on the wholeness and completeness of the individuals who were wronged. Going deeper into this, it followed that to acknowledge the hurt, one must:

• affirm that no one deserves to be hurt.
• agree that no one deserves to suffer under the idea of an imbalance of power - one can't be out of control with power or out of control with powerlessness.
• understand that hurtful actions are not an inherent part of who we are; if it were, we would feel that hurtful actions are right and justified, and they are not.
• conclude that we are all whole and complete, and can be unhurt, untouched and unimpressed by inferior acts of ignorance or maliciousness.

So, when there is a strong desire for someone or some group to apologize, the impulse behind it might be seen as a desire to be acknowledged as whole and complete, and worthy of right and healthy actions.

What if that group or that individual does not apologize? One's own acknowledgement of one's wholeness and completeness still happens. One can release the resentment and anger and be freed of that burden. A Bible study website explains it: 'Corrie Ten Boom called this after-effect of forgiveness "a flood of joy and peace". The burden of bitterness is removed...conflict is replaced with resonance, and love floods in where hatred once ruled.'

As we are children of God, we can look to God for our own affirmation of good. Looking to God for our strength and identity, we are safe from depending on others to define who we are.

The power of apology lifts the burden of shame from the one apologizing. The one accepting the apology has the opportunity to accept the agreement that we are all worthy of love. The one is washed clean and the other is affirmed and strengthened.

Your thoughts?








To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.

a modern day tares and wheat story

Spiritual resource to share: seeing the wheat, being patient with the tares

I went to a conference last weekend. I was pretty excited to be there, but I knew it would be hosted by a person with whom I have had a hard time appreciating. In addition to a big voice, he seemed to have a big ego, and oftentimes would start his talks with negative stories about some of the kids and parents he worked with, and throughout his talks would highlight these negative stories.

This would be my second conference, and I was determined to see this individual in a more loving light. As the conference progressed, so did the negative stories and disrespectful portrayals of those who made "mistakes." I cringed. I exchanged unkind remarks about this speaker with the person I was sitting near. That's when I realized I was doing a lousy job of seeing this person anywhere near how God must be seeing him -- as made in His image and likeness. I realized I had let myself get caught up in the tares and not the wheat.

So I sat back and really listened at what was happening at this conference. It truly was amazing. The conference had incredibly high ideals. So many people and families had benefitted from the programs that this conference was promoting. All those involved in the conference were volunteers and spent thousands of hours every year to help these programs forward. And now my family was one of the many families who were going to be the beneficiaries of all their hard work. The good that was done was almost overwhelming. The preparation to participate in these programs was thorough, thoughtful and heartwarming.

So, a little course correction was in order. Now, whenever I thought of this person, I would think of his dedication, his big heart (he loved his work) and his generosity with his time and money. Toward the end of the conference, a group of participants got together to write a poem of gratitude to this man. It lovingly joked about his ego and tact (or lack thereof) and poured on the gratitude for the hundreds of lives he touched and for the good that had been acomplished because of his dedicated work. He cried. I teared up and was one of the first to stand up for a standing ovation. And I meant it.

It was a good lesson in being patient with one another for any flaws we may be carrying around, and a reminder that it is the good that we do that is lasting and has meaning - not only for ourselves but for others. The tares and the wheat may be growing side by side in our character, but it is the wheat that wins out.







To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.

the bully blog

Spiritual resource to share: courage and forgiveness




Both my kids had big bully issues in their 5th grade with kids in their class. Ooh, these were hard. But what pulled us through -- bottom line -- was learning to love. Learning to love ourselves, to love the bullies and to love (and forgive) all involved including the same teacher who oversaw both bully incidents when they happened.

I've come across two bully resources and are good!

• spirituality.com had a live chat on A SPIRITUAL RESPONSE TO BULLYING: AT SCHOOL, AT HOME, AT WORK with Evan Mehlenbacher, a Christian Science practitioner and teacher
  
• A new friend recently wrote in suggesting a good story about bullies in a book of short stories for kids. The book is The Daydreamer by Ian McEwan and in it is a story called "The Bully". It is about a boy who realizes his viewpoint created the bully (who turns out to be rather wimpy). Geared toward the ten year old set, she suggests its a good read for parents too.

The first bullying incident happened over a period of time and I wasn't told about it until months after it was over. I was furious with the teacher who withheld this information. In those months I worked and prayed closely with my son who was struggling over a nameless something that he never disclosed. Once the whole situation was brought to light, and then after talks with the principal about no tolerance for bullies, and then to this teacher, I still harbored resentment toward this teacher.

I didn't really realize this until recently ( this would be years later) when I was talking to my son. As we talked about this incident, I could feel the resentment start to creep in. Later, I thought about this. Here was my son, who had already moved so beyond the situation, I think he was surprised that I remembered it. He had forgiven those involved and actually liked the teacher! He learned so much from that experience. A month or two after the situation, I remember him telling me how he helped another kid who was new in school deal with a similar situation. He moved on.

I remember some wisdom from a Christian Science nurse I worked with. Once, she was bandaging up a cut on a young boy's arm. After she was done, she calmly told the parent, "He won't remember this accident. And you don't have to remember it for him."

I needed to apply this to my own situation. My son moved on. I could too. I didn't need to keep remembering this situation as a failed moment for me - feeling that I failed to find out exactly what had gone on and failed to "fix" things quicker than they were fixed. I needed to see that he was always in God's care and God strengthened him, protected him and guided him. I knew I needed to forgive the teacher....but I needed to forgive myself.

Acknowledging that God is my son's Father AND Mother - I needed to see the teacher and myself as children of the same God, all being cared for, all working out our own salvation and all being loved. Then I could move on.

Bullying needs to be stopped in schools and many schools are developing a no tolerance for bullies approach to the problem. But I know that praying and affirming that not one of us are ever separated from God's protection, and knowing that we are all children under one God, helped to deflate the situation and erase any painful memories.





To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.