the power of apology

Spiritual resource to share: forgiveness

Nelson Mandela, Sir Ronald Wilson and Corrie Ten Boom

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As this community's commitment to heal racism deepens, our last Ministerial meeting involved an in-depth look at the power of an apology. There are volumes written on apology and forgiveness. But this discussion took on new meaning for me as I saw how profound our prayer, inspiration and actions could be for this community.

We looked at the line of actions that dismantled apartheid in South Africa, the public apology of the Australian government to the Aborigines, the apologies of several religious leaders and noticed they all had similar elements: there was an acknowledgement of the hurt, a promise of change and then the actual making of the change.

Acknowledging the hurt actually does more than just agrees on the wrongness of whatever actions were taken. There also is an affirmation on the wholeness and completeness of the individuals who were wronged. Going deeper into this, it followed that to acknowledge the hurt, one must:

• affirm that no one deserves to be hurt.
• agree that no one deserves to suffer under the idea of an imbalance of power - one can't be out of control with power or out of control with powerlessness.
• understand that hurtful actions are not an inherent part of who we are; if it were, we would feel that hurtful actions are right and justified, and they are not.
• conclude that we are all whole and complete, and can be unhurt, untouched and unimpressed by inferior acts of ignorance or maliciousness.

So, when there is a strong desire for someone or some group to apologize, the impulse behind it might be seen as a desire to be acknowledged as whole and complete, and worthy of right and healthy actions.

What if that group or that individual does not apologize? One's own acknowledgement of one's wholeness and completeness still happens. One can release the resentment and anger and be freed of that burden. A Bible study website explains it: 'Corrie Ten Boom called this after-effect of forgiveness "a flood of joy and peace". The burden of bitterness is removed...conflict is replaced with resonance, and love floods in where hatred once ruled.'

As we are children of God, we can look to God for our own affirmation of good. Looking to God for our strength and identity, we are safe from depending on others to define who we are.

The power of apology lifts the burden of shame from the one apologizing. The one accepting the apology has the opportunity to accept the agreement that we are all worthy of love. The one is washed clean and the other is affirmed and strengthened.

Your thoughts?








To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.