the bully blog

Spiritual resource to share: courage and forgiveness




Both my kids had big bully issues in their 5th grade with kids in their class. Ooh, these were hard. But what pulled us through -- bottom line -- was learning to love. Learning to love ourselves, to love the bullies and to love (and forgive) all involved including the same teacher who oversaw both bully incidents when they happened.

I've come across two bully resources and are good!

• spirituality.com had a live chat on A SPIRITUAL RESPONSE TO BULLYING: AT SCHOOL, AT HOME, AT WORK with Evan Mehlenbacher, a Christian Science practitioner and teacher
  
• A new friend recently wrote in suggesting a good story about bullies in a book of short stories for kids. The book is The Daydreamer by Ian McEwan and in it is a story called "The Bully". It is about a boy who realizes his viewpoint created the bully (who turns out to be rather wimpy). Geared toward the ten year old set, she suggests its a good read for parents too.

The first bullying incident happened over a period of time and I wasn't told about it until months after it was over. I was furious with the teacher who withheld this information. In those months I worked and prayed closely with my son who was struggling over a nameless something that he never disclosed. Once the whole situation was brought to light, and then after talks with the principal about no tolerance for bullies, and then to this teacher, I still harbored resentment toward this teacher.

I didn't really realize this until recently ( this would be years later) when I was talking to my son. As we talked about this incident, I could feel the resentment start to creep in. Later, I thought about this. Here was my son, who had already moved so beyond the situation, I think he was surprised that I remembered it. He had forgiven those involved and actually liked the teacher! He learned so much from that experience. A month or two after the situation, I remember him telling me how he helped another kid who was new in school deal with a similar situation. He moved on.

I remember some wisdom from a Christian Science nurse I worked with. Once, she was bandaging up a cut on a young boy's arm. After she was done, she calmly told the parent, "He won't remember this accident. And you don't have to remember it for him."

I needed to apply this to my own situation. My son moved on. I could too. I didn't need to keep remembering this situation as a failed moment for me - feeling that I failed to find out exactly what had gone on and failed to "fix" things quicker than they were fixed. I needed to see that he was always in God's care and God strengthened him, protected him and guided him. I knew I needed to forgive the teacher....but I needed to forgive myself.

Acknowledging that God is my son's Father AND Mother - I needed to see the teacher and myself as children of the same God, all being cared for, all working out our own salvation and all being loved. Then I could move on.

Bullying needs to be stopped in schools and many schools are developing a no tolerance for bullies approach to the problem. But I know that praying and affirming that not one of us are ever separated from God's protection, and knowing that we are all children under one God, helped to deflate the situation and erase any painful memories.





To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.