Some time ago, I was struggling with self doubt. It wasn't easy to detect at first. It came in subtle suggestions like "I can't hear God" " I am not good enough" and the taunting "It doesn't matter anyway." Then, a series of mistaken events happened, nothing earth-shattering, but enough so that it whispered, "I have failed" and "I am forgotten."
None of this of course made any sense. My life was zipping along with family and work. But I noticed that it was getting harder to feel inspired, I was tired more often and soon I had lost a good deal of my initiative. Soon there were a number of small financial issues that came up that were snarly and required hours of digging up small details to prove that we did indeed pay our bills in a timely manner. Bo-o-o-o-ring.
Doubt, I figured, is similar to disease -- a dis- ease or uneasiness. Self-doubt is even more self absorbing. It is like depression only not as severe -- like a recession of thought. With this little army of esteem breakers coming at me faster and faster, I soon got better at detecting these nagging suggestions, and got ready to do battle with them.
Mary Baker Eddy uses a term that helps to explain the soup of opinions and thoughts that we sometimes catch ourselves swirling around in. She calls it mortal mind. These opinions of dis-ease, mal-adjustment, and circuitous thinking make up mortal mind. Mortal mind creates its own conditions, and then tries to manage them at the same level. It does this by replacing bad thoughts with happy accommodating thoughts, agreeing to accept what is mediocre or sub-standard, or developing systems of coping instead of healing and transformation. For instance, it justifies the cause of depression/recession and then tries to manage it at the same level.
MB Eddy stands up to this. In Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, (p421) she writes THERE IS NO DISEASE. Crash! Just saying this breaks through the ruminating acceptance of discomfort and mediocrity. THERE IS NO DISEASE. Therein lies the healing. MBE 's bold statement -- there is no disease -- helped me to break through this miasma of thought to go deeper than the superficial whitecaps of human experience to the "strong, calm currents of true spirituality" (p99) that lie deep below the surface and gets to the fundamental basis and purity of being.
Doubt, apathy, mediocrity - these phantoms that nip at progress can effectively be stopped and removed! Just giving one's consent that this is possible is a ground breaking idea. This, of course, should be followed closely with a wide open expectation for good to happen. Healing doubt starts by deliberately expecting good.
The opposite of discouragement is gratitude. FAR from a Pollyanna attitude, you deliberately take your thought to another place - of gratitude, expectation. We claim, we stand, we place ourselves in the place where God places us: in God's unfailing and constant presence.
God's gifts of grace, innovation, genius, brilliance are enduring. God never loses sight of this and never loses hold of His children's pure identity. We are that very expression of grace, innovation, genius and brilliance. This is who we are and where we stand.
When we confront the doubt, expose it to the light - we see the light and confirm God's glorious creation.
Love.
Brilliance.
Genius.
Spontaneity.
Infinite possibilities.
Beauty.
If we can read it, we can say it.
If we can say it, we can see it.
The good news is that winter always turns to spring. Our once quiet lives of winter break up and we see we are on fertile ground - whatever the weather!
I am glad to say that just by writing this blog I have been able to lift this veil of mediocrity. The sun has just come out coincidently. Hope this has brought some light to your day as well.
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1 comment:
"The sun has just come out coincidently"
Is there coincidence in God's world?
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