the spirituality of sex

Spiritual resource to share: insight



Walking along Milwaukee's stretch of Lake Michigan, an old friend and I met and walked and talked and walked and talked for hours. We covered our lives, our children’s lives, the scope of our healing practices and our global responsibilities for prayer. It was great. Every now and then we would punctuate our conversations with “Wow!” and have to take notes on what the other just said.

One of my “Wow!” notes was when we talked about sex. Here are some of the ideas from that discussion:

I always thought that Gandhi had the healthiest view on sex – that it is sacred and based on commitment, responsibility, celebration and joy. My friend, however, commented that she found the best definition of good sex from Science and Health, from the chapter on Marriage.

Matrimony should never be entered into without a full recognition of its enduring obligations on both sides. There should be the most tender solicitude for each other's happiness, and mutual attention and approbation should wait on all the years of married life.

I paid particular attention to tender solicitude, mutual attention, and approbation. Tender solicitude is extreme care or concern for the well-being of another. Mutual attention is self explanatory - but it is interesting she says mutual attention and not mutual afffection. Approbation means official approval. Approbation and approval have the same general meaning, assenting to or declaring as good; and also means sanction, commendation; but approbation is stronger and more positive.

I found that these ideas: tender solicitude, mutual attention, approval/praise/wholehearted acceptance, offer the highest ingredients to the act of sex. Any expression of love has a spiritual foundation. And the unselfishness and acceptance that can accompany sex can make it a true act of love.

But I have found that anything done without a right sense of its spiritual nature loses meaning. This definitely applies to sex. Without a spiritual basis for sex, it can be used as a way to manipulate which leads to humiliation. If it is used as a way to compensate a perceived lack, it can also lead to co-dependence and further dissatisfaction.

When questioning the rightness of sex, it is helpful - even important - to examine the heart and see how much you are being motivated by unselfishness, tender solicitude, mutual attention and approbation. This can be a protection as well as a way to provide guidance.

Ask yourself, Am I doing this to be accepted, to be acknowledged as loved? Is this coming from mutual attraction, mutual respect, mutual and whole-hearted acceptance/approval?

Lust is about getting or taking. Love is about giving. Is this act about getting, or about giving? Is it being treated with the sacredness and tenderness for the most intimate expression of physical love, an act that can produce offspring? Am I treating this carelessly, casually or with a sense of solicitous care and protection? Does the person I am thinking of feel the same way or is there a sense of imbalance in the relationship? Does either of us feel the other is lacking - thus is not complete? Or is there joy in the sweet confidence you have in each other?

For the couple who have been married many years, these ideas can help renew the affections. You can ask yourself: Am I treating the act of sex as an obligation or as a celebration? Am I being careless or thoughtless about sex or am I feeling the tender solicitude and care toward my spouse? Am I just trying to get a sense of relief for myself, or am I trying to give of myself unselfishly?

Fulfillment, celebration, acceptance are not limited to the expression of sex, and a couple cannot lack any spiritual quality that will deepen and solidify their affections.

Any decisions regarding sex can lead to a fulfilling conclusion when it is based on spirituality. MBEddy writes "Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need." And this includes the need for belonging, loving, giving and even sex. When Love guides our actions, we are satisfied.





To share your thoughts on this or to explore this idea further, please feel free to be in contact with me, add your own comments below, email this article to a friend, or add to the healing finds and sites on the web to the right.